Marital Counseling With Pastor? DON’T DO IT!!!
CatchCheaters | Feb 04, 2010 | Comments 25
In this video, I touch on these points: • Observations from ‘Decision House’ tv show. • No. 1 cause of divorce is SELFISHNESS. • Fear and Mental Illness. • Marital counseling with pastor not best option. • Biblically speaking, pastor/church have nothing to do with marriage….
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Ignorance is the reason for most divorces.
If someone has an issue that a partner cannot live with he/she should not marry this person if they feel that it could cause the marrige to crumble in the future. Accepting people as they are is important- unconditional love. Please do not expect someone to change if you met them a certain way-just accept and love.
Yes, lust and selfishness are the number one reasons for Christian divorce. This is also because of high expectation off the wrong information. Each party pretends to be a level of Christian they aren’t and the real person is revealed after marriage. Next is because people rush into marriage without working out their problems BEFORE they get married. But lust and loneliness say I have to be married now and somehow God will just magically work everything out.
509lynn, if they got married in a park or in a courthouse, they’d STILL be making a covenant before God and man. So being in a church has nothing to do with anything.
I’ve yet to find a verse of scripture which explains how the church — as in a place of worship and its clergy — has anything to do with your relationship with your spouse before God. The vow is to God — not the congregation.
I think simply being a holy Spirit filled Christian will do better at reducing the divorce rate.
When a person is married in a church, are they not doing it as an act of a covenant before God and man? Biblically speaking churches (as in the body of Christ) DO in fact have a lot to do with marriage. You are making a vow before God, two shall become one, the bible speaks clearly on how to judge adultery (sex outside MARRIAGE) Also I believe God hates divorce, perhaps some good biblical counsel would help reduce the divorce rate.
The Holy Spirit is the true counselor, who has been sent to lead us into all truth. That truth is what sets us free from selfishness, fear, pride and even mental disorders. Most so called Christians today, depend more upon man’s counsel than that of God. So whether your pastor is doing it or a certified counselor, if the Spirit of God is not involved the heart of man will never be changed and the core issues of the heart will never be dealt with. God bless you my brother. (The End – lol)
My heart aches for those who have been hurt by the unprofessional conduct and unscriptural counsel given by what you deem as unqualified pastors. My prayer is that God would use ministers such as myself to bring healing to broken hearts as we follow the admonition of Paul to be examples to all beleivers, and lead them faithfully by the light of God’s word. My honest “opinion” is that true children of God who are willing to become like Christ don’t need counseling. p3
Yet as in the scriptures I offered for your reference I see the Apostle Paul instructing the Church in Marriage, and advicing the Church to assist specifically the younger women how to conduct themselves in the marriage. While it has been fun sharing back and forth with you, it is time consuming and I sense your opinion is already made up and you do not “seem” to be open on this. p2
Brother I wanted to be sure to be fair and figured I may have missed something the 1st time I heard your video. 1st iof all at the top of the video heading you clearly state Don’t Do It! During your video you say and I quote the “you need to keep the Pastor and the Church as far removed from your marriage as possible” you go on to say “biblically speaking they have nothing to do with your marriage”. I do not see where you advice a use of wisdom, nor do I see any balance given. Only ridicule…p1
faithdome, I agree that for the Christian, all things must be tested in light of scripture. But sometimes bad experiences present opportunities to examine the scriptures more carefully, so as not to be again ensnared.
I haven’t thrown anything “out”. I’m simply advising using wisdom. I never said the church should be ready to counsel or teach on marriage. I simply said there should be a balance and boundaries between marriage and church work & activities.
Personally, I rather people go outside for counseling because I find that many times they feel like they are being judged when that is the furthest from my mind and heart. One of the functions of the shepherd has to be counseling. Shepherding is about relationship, we are called to counsel the people throught the scriptures. As I stated we, as clergy, should always outsource when there are deeper issues we are not qualifed for. I think a better help for marriage is marriage mentoring.
I do agree the distinction between a “building” and people must be made. For we “the people” are the body of Christ, or the church. The people would include clergy, if you’ll notice in Titus, it speaks of older women teaching younger women. I think you are throwing our the baby with the bath water due to maybe some bad experiences. I do not think experiences should ever be allowed to interpret scripture. I never said anything about “governing” either, we are talking about counseling, correct?
I am not against pastor’s being involved in counseling, faithdome. I am only against obtaining counseling from unqualified and unexperienced pastors. I also feel it’s not the best option for a couple to go to their OWN pastor for the bulk of their counseling. I think they should go to their pastor for initial or follow up, but the rest should be done outside to preserve confidentiality and professionalism.
faithdome, a distinction must be made between the “church” (as in the building, clergy, assembly, and what is done their on Sunday) and “marriage” (which pre-dates all the aforementioned). Marriage pre-dates the establishment of the church, and NOWHERE IN SCRIPTURE is the local church given authority to govern in marriage. A man leaves his family and cleaves to his wife and they become “one flesh”. The church is nowhere involved in that.
That’s my position.
(this is part two)I am an overseer of a ministry and I am passionate about marriage. I am in the process of completing my Bachelors and I have had no formal training in counseling, yet from my experience in conducting pre and post marriage counseling. I have not only seen marriages restored but people coming to Christ.
WOW. I have to say that I absolutely disagree with your position on the Church having nothing to do with marriage. On the contrary the standards for marriage are set in the scriptures by God Himself. Why would God give us standards to live by and yet not allow the Church and the leadership to assist couples, especially young couples to live these standards. I think you need to check out Titus 2:1-5, 1 Corinthians 7, Ephesians 5, Colossians 3, 1 Peter 3. (this part one)
NYTN, I totally agree with you, having been burned by some pastors who really don’t know much at all about marital issues, mental health, mental illnesses, disability issues, and many other things as well. This video is long, long overdue. It’s better to go to a person who is licensed in counseling, and who specializes in marital counseling or whatever you are seeking counseling for. Pastors know how to preach the Bible, supposedly. They don’t have degrees in psychotherapy and psychology, etc.
Unfortuntaely, narroway1971, this happens a lot.
MsGMorgan, I’m not totally against counseling with one’s pastor. Like you, I believe integrity, experience and training are very, very important.
Good teaching. I would also like to add that alot of times a woman may seek counseling from their pastors b/c she and her husband maybe having problems, and by the woman being in a vulnerable state,..some pastors may decide to take advantage of that and take things a little further than what it should have went.( If ya know what I mean! )
The cousel of God is the best advise and wisdom you can receive without worrying about gossiping and it’s free. Read God’s word and pray.
Without a shadow of a doubt i do agree that the no. 1 cause of divorce is selfishness. People haven’t matured in Christ and then get married, of course your marriage is gonna fall apart! A lot of men go into it thinking it’s all about them. What’s happening with the Church nowadays is that no-one is seeking God or really becoming Christlike and that’s probably why you get the worst characters in the Church!
I have to disagree. Depends on the integrity of the pastor, the church and the counseling ministry at the church.
Brother, you are on point! If a couple wants to keep their personal business private, DON’T go to any counseling within the church. Otherwise, don’t be surprised when your business is in the street.
This is an excellent video and I agree with you 100%.
Wow, NYTN, you are so right with this video.
I did premarital counseling with my pastor to “check this brother out” for me, thinking he would give me a righteous assessment on this brother, as my father would, if he were alive.
Long story short… my pastor allowed this guy to the manipulate him as well. Once the pastor realized how much tithe this guy would bring his church he could see no wrong in this guy, needless to say, at my expense.
Lesson learned: Is he Godly? Period.