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Article
#1:
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"Top 10 Signs
That Your Husband Or Boyfriend Is Cheating On You"
Some of the signs and clues discussed so far may
already seem quite strange to you. Or they may not.
If not, the ones discussed in this section will most
likely fit into the "strange and unexplainable" -or
even the "illogical" - category.
And, it's no surprise that when the person is
approached about it, he may offer equally strange
explanations that don't make much sense... or he may
simply get annoyed, upset or just decide to
ignore/dodge the question completely.
You may start noticing your partner leaving the
house unexpectedly, and maybe during odd hours; The
frequency may increase over time.
When away, or just before leaving, your partner may
tell you that s/he can be reached at a different
(new) number, instead of the usual friends' or work
phone number.
Your partner may suddenly start to work a lot of
'overtime,' but his/her paycheck or income does not
show any change.
Moreover, you may notice the amount of money being
deposited into your bank account decreasing, without
any explanations.
You may also notice unexpected charges on credit
cards and/or unexplained purchase receipts.
You notice your partner spending a lot more time on
the computer, especially when you're not around or
have gone to bed.
You find your partner becoming more (even overly)
protective of certain personal items like the cell
phone, purse, personal organizer, journal, mail,
computer user account, etc.
You may even notice him/her starting to keep the
cell phone, purse, etc. by the bed while sleeping
(or easy access as well as for added privacy.)
Phone records / bills may also start to become more
important to them and less available to you.
You notice your partner starting to delete records
of incoming (or even outgoing) calls from the
phone's caller ID.
You may find your partner text messaging on the cell
phone frequently. This is especially curious if s/he
wasn't necessarily a fan of text messaging in the
past.
You may notice your partner deleting incoming
e-mails more frequently instead of letting them
accumulate like s/he used to do.
Your partner may go out for coffee, cigarettes,
groceries, etc. and not return till several hours
later. This will be even more suspicious if s/he
returns without the item(s) that s/he went out to
get.
You may notice your partner starting to accuse you
of cheating, or at least becoming more suspicious of
your activities. (This is often brought on by
his/her own guilt and/or a defensive or even
misdirection attempt to throw you off.)
Your partner may start to ask interesting
hypothetical questions like, "Do you think we're
meant to love only one person?"...."Is there really
such a thing as a soul mate, and if so, how the heck
are we supposed to know?"...."Is it possible to love
more than one person?"...."Has anyone ever cheated
on you, and how did you find out...or...did you
forgive him/her when you found out?"
You may start to get phone calls where the caller
doesn't say anything and/or hangs up when you
answer. (Moreover, you notice that this doesn't seem
to ever happen when your partner answers the phone.)
You find your partner whispering or using a low
voice when using the phone sometimes, and maybe even
hanging up the phone quickly after. Your partner may
even start to walk out of the room or step outside
to answer and/or talk on the phone, when s/he didn't
used to do this in the past.
Sometimes not knowing the truth can make your life
easier, and the ignorance really can be blissful.
A cheating husband (or a boyfriend) is happy to
continue to lie to you without you exposing them.
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Article #2:
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"Getting Inside
The Mind Of A Cheater"
Getting a better (and deeper) understanding of who cheats,
and why they do it in the first place, can really help everyone
and solve a lot of the problems that occur before, during, and
after the incident.
Most of us believe that people who have affairs are 'cheaters'
from the start. We believe that people who cheat are 'bad' to
begin with, and that it's only a matter of time before they
would have cheated anyway.
To continue with that logic, many of us also believe that 'good'
people never cheat... And, if they do, it's only because they're
in a bad relationship.
Sure, there are some people who will cheat for no reason at all.
Cheating is simply a part of their current belief system.
However, some of us may be surprised to learn that some good
people, in normal relationships - without any prior history of
having affairs - end up having affairs all the time. In fact,
having an affair doesn't have much to do with whether a person
is good or bad.
Almost all of us have seen at least one couple that we would
have never imagined would split up or get a divorce. (Many of
these breakups eventually happen over an affair that one of the
partners had, and often the affair is not made public to even
close friends or relatives.)
To almost everyone around them, the two people appeared to be
the 'perfect couple.' Funny how that happens, isn't it?
So...before we discuss what drives a normal person into
cheating, let's talk about why certain personality types are
more likely to have affairs even if they are good people and
never intend on cheating. (Many of these same people are also
against cheating and strongly disapprove of anyone cheating, for
any reason.) They are also the ones that end up regretting what
they did, afterwards.
Knowing what makes certain types of people have affairs may also
help you to avoid dating, starting relationships and/or marrying
those types of people.
Okay....let's dissect this further. Let's talk about some of the
reasons why seemingly 'good' people are more likely to and/or
end up having affairs.
Easy To Influence/Naďve/Gullible
This category is different from lacking mental strength or will
power. In this case, the person can easily be persuaded or
influenced by others into accepting a new idea, belief or
perception.
This type of person may have excellent self control, but is very
gullible or naive so other people can easily help her to change
her mind...often about the very subject that she personally has
great self control over.
Things to look for:
Does s/he often fall prey to other people's pranks and tricks?
Is s/he easy to fool and does s/he easily believe what she sees,
hears or reads...even if it was meant as a joke?
Does sarcasm or other people's real intentions go over his/her
head? (If she's female, is she usually oblivious to guys'
advances towards her?)
Lack Of Willpower/Mental Strength/Self Control
This may seem silly to some people, but people who generally
display a lack of will power or mental strength are perfect
candidates for cheating. (Remember, they may not be bad people
and may never intend to cheat or even realize that they will do
something like that.)
Pay attention to how she (or he) reacts to cravings, how often
she sticks to her goals, how often she keeps her word and her
promises, what her 'indulgence' level is, etc.
Displaying addictive behaviors is also something to pay
attention to, whether it's towards controlled substances
(alcohol, marijuana, cigarettes, etc.) or even things like
shopping, TV, desserts, or sex.
Basically, if she has a hard time controlling her urges, if she
struggles with goals, if she tends to procrastinate a lot and/or
not follow through on what she plans or promises, she's a good
candidate for being drawn into cheating.
She could be the nicest person you've ever met and she may even
be in love with her partner. As mentioned earlier, it has
nothing to do with how good natured the person is.
And it may not even be a conscious decision on her part to cheat
on her partner. It's simply her lack of self control that gets
her in trouble...and it's usually something she will regret
after acting on (just as a person will regret having an extra
helping of cake after the fact, even if she's trying to stick to
her diet.)
Lack Of Respect, Trust And/Or Value For The Partner
This one is fairly straight forward and yet one of the easiest
to miss, for most people.
If your partner doesn't respect you (or starts to lose respect
for you over time,) doesn't trust you nor consider you very
reliable, and especially if s/he doesn't value you much as a
person and thinks you're beneath him/her or that s/he is better
than you, there is a very good chance s/he could cheat on you.
Does s/he care about hurting your feelings with what s/he says
and does? Or does s/he do it anyway, even when s/he knows you'll
feel hurt, insignificant, or that you'll disapprove?
If a person doesn't respect or value you much, you are already
of low importance to him/her, and whether s/he realizes is yet
or not, you're also easily replaceable.
You should note that his/her lack of respect for you may not
always be obvious or blatant. In fact, most times, it will only
be displayed within the subtle remarks and attitude that occur
occasionally. (People will rarely come out and say, "I don't
have any respect for you." Their disrespectful attitude will
usually be observed through their actions rather than their
words.)
As such, most people (especially men) either ignore these
actions or are in complete denial of it. And, they are in
complete disbelief when the woman finally finds someone else.
(Respecting the man she's with is very important to a woman.
Without it, it's only a matter of time before she finds someone
else who, in her eyes, is "a better man.")
You may also want to pay attention to how your partner's level
of respect fluctuates. If it happens to vary dramatically from
day to day, the lowest level will eventually be associated as
the primary level...if that pattern continues to occur. (In
other words, if there are days where s/he doesn't respect you at
all, that is probably how little s/he will end up respecting
you, over time...whether s/he consciously recognizes it or not.)
The more frequently his/her loss of respect for you is
displayed, the more likely it is for him/her to end up cheating
on you.
Also note, on the days where s/he displays the least respect and
value for you are the most likely days for him/her to decide to
get together with someone else -- even if it happens to be the
only time s/he cheats, and without prior intent or planning. (Of
course, just 'getting together' with someone may not cheating,
but the situation could easily escalate into something more.)
It's very important to understand that a lack of respect is
usually caused by who you are (or who your partner sees you to
be) and not by what you do. In other words, getting upset or
angry over something, or even cursing at you for some reason may
not necessarily mean that your partner has lost respect for you.
It may just mean that s/he is angry at you over something.
On the other hand, if you do something that displays a character
flaw, at least to your partner, it could cause him/her to lose
respect for you, whether the loss of respect is temporary or
permanent.
So, while forgetting to pick up milk on the way home may be
upsetting, it won't necessarily cause a loss of respect.
However, forgetting to pick up milk because you chose to stop by
the pub for drinks, or because you took a detour to the strip
club instead, will most likely cause a loss of respect.
For a lot of women, you can't put a price on finding out
the truth about a cheating partner -- and getting the closure
you need, so that you can move on with your life and find the
happiness and the honest relationship that you deserve.
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Article #3:
|
"Why
Do People Have Affairs?"
It's natural for people to wonder "why" someone cheated
on them. That tends to be the very first question people
ask when they get cheated on. (It makes sense since most
people believe it would never happen to them.)
And, as such, these people often come from a place of
anger, sadness, defensiveness, vindictiveness, and so
on. Which means, they are rarely able to get to the real
truth / reason for their partner's infidelity.
They simply get caught up in the blame game where they
either blame themselves, their partner, the 'other'
person that their partner had the affair with - which is
funny and pathetic at the same time, yet extremely
common. Why a person would blame the third party for the
affair is beyond me. (Actually, it's simply a coping
mechanism / denial but...anyway...)
The point is, most people blame 'people' (whether
themselves or others) for the affair...when, in fact,
the answer is often more complicated than that.
The problem often is not with the person but with what
the person is doing - or not doing.
Also, in many cases, the problem isn't really about the
people in the relationship but more about the
'relationship.' There are other forces at work that
affect which direction the relationship takes.
As mentioned in another section, people often end up in
relationships (or marriages) too quickly, for the wrong
reasons, or for surface level reasons that tend to make
them happy but only on a surface level.
And, as such, when they happen to come across another
person that impacts them on a deeper level, they find
themselves being pulled towards this new person.
What Pulls People Toward Affairs
The big ones, in this category, are: love, romance, or
even attraction.
For most people, love just seems to happen. They have no
control over it. If they happen to find a person that
happens to push the right buttons in them, they find
themselves falling in love. Before they realize it,
things have gone beyond the point that they ever planned
on - often beyond the point of going back to how things
'used' to be.
Romance and attraction can be the same way. A person may
have to meet someone who, without meaning to, happens to
ignite romance or the idea of romance in them.
Example: A woman may find out that a male co-worker
always bought his ex-girlfriend flowers on special
occasions - and sometimes for no reason at all. This may
ignite a romantic thought in the woman. And, without
realizing, she may start seeing this co-worker as a
romantic ideal. Before she realizes, it has turned into
an infatuation. And, so on.
For most people, attraction also seems to just happen.
They can't quite explain it. Sometimes it's a physical
attraction. Other times, they are attracted to the
person's intelligence, power, social status, etc.
For others, the things that pull them toward an affair
can be the excitement, the challenge, or even something
as simple as curiosity. They are drawn toward an
opportunity to experience something new and exciting.
What Pushes People Toward Affairs
Just as there are forces that draw people toward a new
person or a new experience, there are forces that push
people away from their current partner and into the arms
of someone else.
Boredom is a big one here. A person could have an
average life, with an average job and an averagely
adequate relationship. Suddenly, they are faced with an
opportunity to break out of the norm and jump into
something 'exciting' and different.
Before they realize it, they're involved in something
that could potentially threaten their existing
relationship.
People may also feel unattractive, unloved or
unappreciated by their current partner. (Their partner
may either fail to express these things or they just may
not express it in the right way.)
In an attempt to reclaim their attractiveness or worth,
they may be pushed toward someone who happens to fit
their idea of what's missing in their life.
Anger, disgust, or other negative emotions toward their
partner can also make people vulnerable to infidelity.
Anger can affect a person's sense of judgment in a big
way. Add to that the desire to punish their
partner...and you've got a recipe for something
not-so-pleasant.
And, of course, there can be lots of other reasons that
boil down to one of the partners feeling like something
is missing from the existing relationship. It can range
from sexual frustration to arguments over money issues.
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